A few weeks ago I became a mother for the second time, which I think was and is an amazing experience. Knowing that I now have two children to love, beautiful moments to share and that I will have to embrace the life adventure with my kids makes me a even happier person.
Yet giving birth to a new life again entails emotionally challenging situations. How does my first daughter react to her sister? How can I become in control of all the ins and outs again? Will I be able to do things for myself again? I am very happy with the expansion of our family, but we have to find a new natural balance in the family, with a new role for every family member. Sleepless nights, after-birth hormones running through my body and all the uncertainties that come with motherhood do not make it easy finding that new balance again.
My second daughter
My second daughter, who is just a few weeks old, is completely dependent on our love, care and attention. I prefer to wear her in my arms all day long. I want to give her love all day long and protect her as much as possible. Yet it is a different experience than with my first daughter. With her I could hardly leave her alone for a few minutes. I checked every once in a while whether she was still breathing, if she wasn’t developing a fever and if her development wasn’t behind schedule. I could hardly sleep at night, no matter how tired I was. Because now I take care of two children, I simply no longer have that time to keep my baby constantly in sight, which I sometimes find difficult. However, It makes me feel much more relaxed now and as a mother of two beautiful daughters I can really enjoy more the most unique and beautiful moments of our lives.
My first daughter
My first daughter is just a toddler and she did not yet understand the concept of baby in the belly. That is why her sister’s arrival was quite overwhelming. I spent two nights in the hospital and then came home with a baby with whom I spend a lot of time. Time that was previously fully available for my first daughter. I myself have a harder time than I expected. I sometimes doubt whether I can still give her everything she needs. As a mother of one child you can give all your love, attention, time and energy to your child, which then is your only priority. And how should I distribute everything as well as possible? How should I both meet their needs that are so different. On the other hand, I believe: it will be so good that they have each other as sisters. And yes, although she was quite upset in the first week, my first daughter is gradually getting used to her sister and sometimes she already likes her!
A lot of changes for my husband too. He was just able to make some more hours of sleep at night, but now it all starts again. Helping at night feeding and changing the baby, helping with cooking and giving attention to our oldest daughter when I’m busy with the baby. And because he has to appear at work the next morning, he builds up some serious sleep deprivation. And our relationship will also change. The same time is divided among more people and more responsibilities. Fortunately he gets a lot of energy from his daughters. He proudly leaves home in the morning and proudly comes home in the evening. Although it will be tough in the beginning, I am confident that he will adapt well to the new situation
Advice that I need to give myself in the first place and want to share with you:
- Don’t be too strict on yourself, you will make mistakes and that is OK
- Love is what your children need the most, and you certainly have enough love to give
- Enjoy the new life, enjoy your family, enjoy being together, laugh at the things that are not going well.
- Try to free up some me-time so that you can recharge. No matter how much energy you get from your children, you can get overloaded by all responsibilities, sleep deprivation and the recovery that also costs a lot of energy.
- You cannot always show 100% performance, but you are definitely the best mother your children can wish for.
With Love and Care,
Farida Ben Moussa